


Now & Forever

by Kihyunie



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, changki rise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-17 16:05:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13080432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kihyunie/pseuds/Kihyunie
Summary: Changkyun tries to find the right moment to propose.





	Now & Forever

**Author's Note:**

> (tw: mentions of anxiety & panic attacks)

It’s raining outside, the water coming down in thin curtains, pushed sideways by the autumn winds, and the leaves are orange and brown, like stale copper or rust.

Sometimes the world is too big and makes Changkyun feel so many things that he needs to be invisible for a while. But sometimes it doesn’t work.

Four days ago he had a panic attack and he still feels it in his chest when he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t. He should move on, it was not a big deal, and sometimes the world is just too big and he too small.

And Kihyun said he’ll be okay. Changkyun can believe him everything because Kihyun never lies.

Kihyun sits opposite of him but they are both looking at the rain through the huge glass window. People with umbrellas of all colours rush by. There’s a little boy in wellies who jumps into a puddle and his mother laughs.

The world is so, so big, but so wonderful at once.

It’s the 4th of November and Changkyun feels the little square box in his pocket like an anchor. If he proposes now this will always be their anniversary and Changkyun wonders if Kihyun would be bothered by it. Four is not a lucky number. Maybe he should wait.

And then the panic prickles in his bones and Changkyun wonders what would happen if Kihyun said no.

‘Are you ready to order?’

Changkyun snaps out of his thoughts and looks up at their waitress. Kihyun smiles at him, then at her, and orders cake.

 

So Changkyun didn’t ask. That’s completely fine. Right? He’ll just do it now. It’s more comfortable when it’s not in public anyway. Less pressure.

‘I wanted to make sweet potato mash but when I got started I decided on fries instead,’ Kihyun says. ‘Sorry about that. But it’s sweet potatoes, they’re good in every form, right?’

Changkyun is so in love with him.

‘What,’ Kihyun says and slowly slips into the seat next to Changkyun.

 Changkyun stretches out his arm and Kihyun takes his hand. Their fingers link together so easily, warm skin on warm skin.

‘Thank you,’ Changkyun says.

Kihyun looks down a little bashfully, like he knows that Changkyun doesn’t just mean lunch. Changkyun looks at the slight tint of pink on his cheeks and the way he tightens his hold around Changkyun’s hand, and it’s the perfect moment. Changkyun is so sure that Kihyun will say yes, so why is it so hard to ask?

The moment slips away slowly and then all at once when the timer for the oven goes off and jerks Kihyun out of his chair, his hand pulling out of Changkyun’s hold.

Changkyun feels like an idiot.

 

_Now or never_ , Changkyun thinks when he hears Kihyun unlock the door. The candles are lit. Dinner is ready, not even a little bit burned. There’s wine on the table and Changkyun for once isn’t wearing sweatpants.

Everything is romantic and over the top but that’s okay because that’s what Kihyun is as well.

‘I’m home,’ Kihyun calls from the entrance hall and Changkyun barely hears his soft footsteps over the wild heartbeat in his ears. Oh God, he’s still wearing Kihyun’s apron! He’s supposed to look fancy and now there’s a print of _Mr. Good Looking Is Cooking_ on his chest.

Kihyun appears in the doorway, shrugging out of his coat, cheeks rosy from the cold. He freezes when he spots the candles and for a brief second Changkyun thinks he’s done the wrong thing.

‘Did you break something?’ Kihyun asks. 'What's all this for?'

‘You always work until late and… I thought I should do something nice,’ Changkyun says. He puts the apron away and turns to the stove, so Kihyun can’t make fun of his blush. He hears him cross the kitchen and then feels a pair of arms sneak around his waist, a warm chest against his back. Kihyun presses a kiss to his nape and it tickles.

‘You’re so cute.’ Kihyun is smiling, Changkyun knows. It calms him down a little bit. ‘What’s dinner?’

‘Kimchi stew.’

‘I love you.’

Changkyun could ask now. It feels right. He wouldn’t have to agonise all through dinner if he did.

He takes a deep breath. Turns a little in Kihyun's arms, so that they can look at each other. Opens his mouth. 

'I love you, too,' he says.

         

It’s the early morning hours of the 14th November and Changkyun is staring at the ceiling. It’s nothing more than a black square, really, and he feels the soft touch of the night breeze on his cheeks as it brushes over him from the open window. Kihyun always needs to have the window open at night, no matter how cold it is outside.

Changkyun is thinking of the first time Kihyun kissed him, years ago, next to the flight of stairs that led to Kihyun’s room in his childhood home. Kihyun had been too impatient to wait until they were upstairs and Changkyun remembers his own nervous laugh, Kihyun’s giddy smile, and the way Kihyun had kissed him again.

Changkyun is thinking of what it would feel like to kiss Kihyun, years later, at their wedding. Kihyun is going to want it in spring, when it’s starting to get warm and bright and beautiful. Maybe he’ll even want cherry blossoms.

If Changkyun can ever get himself to ask.

‘You can’t sleep?’ Kihyun asks into the dark, voice rough with tiredness.

‘Sorry. Did I wake you up?’

‘Nah. I need to pee but I don’t wanna get up.’

Changkyun snorts despite himself.

‘Are you okay?’ Kihyun asks. ‘I can hear you overthinking.’

‘I don’t know, I’m just… a little restless.’

The sheets rustle and the mattress dips as Kihyun sits up and gets out of bed. ‘Give me a second.’

Changkyun hears Kihyun pad across the room and leave. The room falls into a cold silence that is only filled with Changkyun’s heartbeat. The sleep-deprivation makes every sensation a little fuzzy around the edges, like he doesn’t have a proper grip on reality.

Not much later the door creaks open again and Kihyun comes back to bed with a gust of cold air under the blanket, making Changkyun shiver. He smells a bit like their hand soap, lemon grass and lime, and a little bit like Kihyun, sharp and sweet and lovely.

Changkyun scrambles up before Kihyun can get comfortable at his side.

‘Huh?’ Kihyun says.

It has to be now. Changkyun can feel the words and he needs to get them out now before they slip away. Before the insecurity wakes up and takes them hostage again.

Changkyun feels around on the blanket until he finds Kihyun’s hands. They are a little damp, like Kihyun didn’t take his time drying them. ‘Kihyun.’

‘Changkyun?’

The world is so big and so overwhelming but Changkyun doesn’t want to be invisible when he is with Kihyun. And he doesn’t feel small. He feels like even the rain curtains in November can be something beautiful with Kihyun by his side.

‘If I asked you… would you marry me?’

It’s quiet for a while but Changkyun hears Kihyun’s breathing stutter as the words sink in.

‘Are you asking or is this theoretical?’ Kihyun asks. He knows what Changkyun means if the tease in his voice is any indication and Changkyun squirms. He wishes he was as good with words as Kihyun, so that he could give him the speech he deserves. But Changkyun doesn’t work like that and Kihyun has never been bothered by his silences.

‘Are you making me say it?’

‘Definitely.’ Kihyun winds out of Changkyun’s hold and there’s some fumbling before the fairy lights on their headboard turn on, throwing gentle light across the bed, not bright enough to hurt Changkyun’s eyes. Kihyun is bathed in golden softness and there’s a slow smile on his face, vibrant with happiness. He’s beautiful, even now, with eyes still swollen from sleep.

Changkyun has already said it once. He can say it again.

He bends over to reach under the bed and reappears with the little box he had wedged under a slat. Kihyun’s eyes go round, like he didn’t actually expect Changkyun to be prepared.

‘This is for you,’ Changkyun says and presses the box into Kihyun’s waiting hands. ‘If you want it. Do you want to marry me?’

‘Say it again.’ Kihyun says, a little breathless. The smile spreads into a grin, with teeth and cheekbone dimples and sparkling eyes. Changkyun could never say no to this, not in this life or any other.

‘Yoo Kihyun. Will you marry me?’

Kihyun closes both their hands around the box. It contains only the simplest of rings because that’s what they are. Everything has always been so easy with Kihyun, nothing at all like the rest of Changkyun’s life.

‘Yes,’ Kihyun says.

Changkyun feels like the golden glow of the fairy lights is in his chest, filling him with a fluttering warmth that reaches even his fingertips. ‘Say it again.’

Kihyun leans in and closes the distance between them. This isn’t what Changkyun had planned. He’d wanted it to be special, maybe a little fancy, or official, but what he got instead is perfect in its own way: Kihyun at home in their bed at 4 am,  teeth un-brushed and skin oily, hands curled around a promise that means forever, saying yes and yes and yes against Changkyun’s mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3


End file.
